PARENTHOOD
a divine stewardship

[Independence is somewhat different from the self. A person may be very dependent on others, yet remain fully in the self.] On the other hand, you may say that you are not independent, that you are a dependent member of the family. However, I wish to ask in a practical rather than doctrinal way: do you do things in a related way? [For example, you may go to bed at an hour that suits you without any consideration of the effect this may have on the other household members. Similarly, your way of eating or drinking may neglect the care of others. Yet another issue is, how much do you take into account the needs of the other members when you plan and participate in the service in the church? Or you may delay coming to breakfast even after being repeatedly called because you consider your fellowship with the Lord as more important. Although you may enjoy sweet fellowship with the Lord, do you disregard the consequence that your lingering has had on the family? So our independence may be a matter of neglect of others rather than an exercise of self.]

[In the family life, especially in our marriage, we can never be independent. The Lord Jesus made this principle clear when He was asked by a group of Pharisees, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?" His response was, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife; and the two shall be one flesh'? So then they are no longer two, but one flesh" (Matthew 19:3-6a). Because the two have become one flesh, they can no longer practice living in an independent way. Whatever we do, we must consider the impact on the other family members.]

[As members of the family we must be related practically to one another, not doing anything in an independent way.] If we say that we are practicing the family life, we must lose and give up our independence. The independent living must be one hundred percent given up.

Try to check yourself as to how you are related....On the negative side, if any of them would express even a little that they do not agree with what I am doing, I would stop right away and go along with them. On the positive side, what I do should be confirmed and sealed by them....Here is a real, practical, and serious lesson for us to learn. Without this, there is no possibility to realize the [real] family life. If we still have our independence, we may be very nice to one another, but we can never realize the family life among us.

Keeping the Harmony

Third, if we are going to realize the family life, we must seriously and heartily learn always to keep the harmony. This does not mean that in doing something wrong we are in harmony to be wrong, and it does not mean that we never have disagreements or discussions. We may even have arguments, but we must argue in harmony. It is possible to argue in harmony. Many brothers and sisters have a beautiful marriage life of arguing in harmony. A couple may invite someone to their home for a love feast and fellowship. The brother may want to serve Cantonese food, but the sister may want to prepare American food. In this way they may argue, but they still argue in harmony, happiness, and joy. This is a beautiful life and a beautiful argument. When someone comes to their home, he can sense the beauty and see how beautifully the couple argues in harmony. Of course, we must learn the lesson to be careful in arguments. Many times it is easy to be in the flesh and in the self in arguments. Yet we can still discuss many things and even argue many things for the Lord's sake and for His testimony, interest, kingdom, and family, but we argue in harmony. If we can keep the harmony, we can continue to argue, but if we cannot keep the harmony, we must stop the argument. Learn the lessons of keeping the harmony.

Harmony is the real expression of the oneness among the Lord's children. There is a difference between oneness and harmony. We may say that we are one, and we may even be one, but we may not have harmony. All the parts of a piano are one, but when we play the piano, it may not have harmony. A piano must be tuned to have harmony. We may have oneness without harmony, but to be sure, if we have harmony, we have oneness because harmony is something more than oneness. The real expression of the oneness of the family is harmony....

Harmony is a very tender and deep matter. It controls and regulates us very much. If we truly have a sincere heart to keep the harmony among the Lord's children, we will be very regulated and ruled by the heavenly reality. We will be governed, controlled, and directed by the inner life, the inner anointing, and the inner presence of the Lord. We will be controlled in acting, speaking, and even thinking, and we will be very fine in many matters. We will be very tender in order to keep the harmony. Then we can argue with one another, yet in a very tender and fine way and very much in harmony.

Remembering That All Things Are Secondary to Christ and His Body

Fourth, we must always keep in mind that nothing is more important than the Lord Christ Himself and His Body. Always remember that all things are secondary; only the Lord Himself and His Body are primary. All things are not for themselves but for the Lord Christ and for His Body, the church. Sometimes we may do or speak something and make it more important than Christ and the church. However, all things, even teachings, doctrines, truths, and experiences, are for the church and for the Head, the Lord. We should not do anything or insist on anything in a way of damaging the church life even a little.

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