PARENTHOOD
a divine stewardship

We are reasonable with our friends and with other members of our family. We are courteous and reasonable with our colleagues and are even more courteous and respectful to our superiors. We try to get along well with every kind of person. But we treat our children as if they are our personal property, forgetting that they also have a spirit and a soul and that they are gifts from God. It is possible for us to vent our anger on them and treat them as we please. Some people think that they need to be courteous to everyone in the world except their own children. They seem to regard their children as the means of venting their anger. I know of parents who are this way at home. They seem to think that a man must be courteous and gentle and yet, at the same time, have a strong temper. It seems that they are not complete if they do not lose their temper. Nevertheless, they realize that they will be in trouble if they lose their temper with others. Their superiors will fire them if they lose their temper with them, and their friends will despise them if they lose their temper with them. They think that there is only one place where they can lose their temper without suffering punishment-with their children. It is as if their children were the cultivating ground for their temper.

Please forgive me for saying such strong words. I have seen many parents shout at their children over dinner and then turn toward me and say, "Mr. Nee, please take some of this food. It is delicious." When this happens, I have no heart for the food. These things often happen within a span of just a few minutes. On the one hand, they scold their children and on the others hand, they say, "Mr. Nee, please eat." The problem with some parents is that they consider their children to be the rightful means for venting their anger. Did God give us children that we have a place to lose our temper? May God be merciful to us!

Please remember that God has not denied all rights of children. He has not annulled all the self-esteem, personal freedom, or independent constitution of the children. He has not put them in our hands for us to beat them and scold them. There is no such thing. This is a non-Christian thought; it is not a Christian concept....Let me say a word to the new believers. Your must be tender and gentle to your children. Never be rude to them. Do not scold them or rebuke them arbitrarily, much less beat them at will.

Please remember that such conduct leads to indulgence. Everyone who wants to know God must learn to control himself. In particular, he should control himself when it comes from a proper respect of a child's soul. No matter how small or weak a child is, remember that he has his own personality. God has given him a personality and a soul. You must not damage his character, destroy his personality, or despise his soul. You must not treat him in an arbitrary way. You must learn to respect him as a person.

At the same time, our children are entrusted to our family. Their standard of morality must be our standard of morality. Whatever applies to them must also apply to us. Parents have no right to vent their wrath on their children. A Christian should not lose his temper with anyone, not even with his own children. It is wrong for us to lose our temper with anyone, no matter whom it may be. We should be reasonable and we should only reason with our children. What is right is always right and what is wrong is always wrong. Do not intimidate them just because they are small and weak. Those who oppress the weak and the small are the most cowardly people to the world.

3. Do Not Become a Cross to Your Children

Two students were once talking to each other in school. The girl said to her classmate, "I know my father. He is willing to die for me." Listen to what she said! This is the comment of a child about her father. He father was a Christian. This was the kind of father he was to her. The other girl was also from a Christian family. Her father was harsh and lost his temper with his daughter easily. Once she heard a sermon at school. When she arrived home, her father asked her what she had learned. She answered, "I now know that the Lord has given you to me to be my cross." Both fathers were Christians. But what a difference between them!

I would say to parents: Be slow to demand obedience from your children. Instead, first demand that you yourselves be good parents before the Lord. If you are not good parents, you can never be good Christians. God does not give us children for the purpose of making us their crosses. God gave us children so that we will learn to honor their freedom, personality, and soul before the Lord.

Watchman Nee, Parents, Messages For Building Up New Believers, Vol. 2, pp. 526-531; Printed by Living Stream Ministry.

APPLICATION

1. Why is it difficult for children to have an absolute standard if their parents are not of the same mind in discipline and care?

2. In your care of your children what is the significance of the fact that a basic principle in the Bible declares that children are given by Jehovah (Psalms 127:3)?

3. Why is it important for a parent to learn to respect his child as a person in his own right?