PARENTHOOD
a divine stewardship

Responsibilities of a Parent (5)

Raising up children in the discipline and admonition of the Lord is the singularly most direct instruction that the New Testament gives to parents regarding the care of their children (Ephesians 6:4). But we may often be confused as to the full meaning of this scriptural guidance and uncertain as how to carry out its directive.

In this issue of Parenthood, we continue to reflect on the fellowship of Watchman Nee written in his series of messages for the building up of new believers. In that fellowship, brother Nee dealt with principles which govern how Christian parents care for their children. This article considers the principle of nurturing children in the discipline and admonition of the Lord by dividing the proper care of children into five sub points. First, we should learn to channel the aspirations of our children that they may become persons who count it to be the most noble and precious thing to give their entire being over to the Lord for His service whether through life or through death. We should help them to dream, not of becoming an athletic hero, nor of being a president, a successful businessperson, or a famous scholar; rather they should have as their highest ambition the becoming a slave of Christ.

We also must take care not to allow our children to develop an attitude full of pride. In recent years much has been said about developing the self-esteem of children. This article makes a strong argument against spoiling our children by praising them to such a degree or in such a way that they become so proud that they cannot work properly. "We do not want our children to become disheartened, but neither do we want them to be proud or to think that they are somebody."

Children also need help to know how to be accepting in defeat and gracious in victory. While we train our children to strive for excellence in all their endeavors, we must help them not to be overbearing in victory or sullen in defeat. Allowing children opportunities to make choices is the fourth factor in their nurture, and the fifth is to train them how to take care of their personal belongings, to manage their own shoes, socks, and other affairs properly. We can receive much help in these few points.

In three previous issues concerning responsibilities of a parent, we have considered six principles in the care of our children: 1) parents must sanctify themselves before God for the care of their children; 2) parents must also learn to walk with God in their daily living; 3) the mother and father must exercise to be of the same mind in the guidance of their children; 4) parents must realize that their children are not theirs to absolutely do with as they please-they have been entrusted by the Lord to raise their children on His behalf; 5) parents must not provoke their children to anger, being careful to not excessively exercise authority and to show proper appreciation when children perform well; and 6) parents must be accurate in their words-not making empty promises, making sure that their orders are carried out, and correcting any exaggerated words they may speak. Here we review another critical principle.

H. Leading the Children to the Knowledge of the Lord

Eighth, we must lead them to the knowledge of the Lord. A family altar is indeed necessary. In the Old Testament the tabernacle was linked to the altar. In other words the family is linked to service and consecration to God. No family can go on without prayer and the reading of the Word. This is especially true with families that have children.

1. Meetings That Are on the Level of the Children

Some families fail in their prayer and Bible-reading time because their family meetings are too long and too deep. The children do not understand what is going on. They do not know why you are asking them to sit there. I do not like it when families invite us to their homes to speak about deep doctrines and then force their children to sit with them. Some home meetings go on for one or two hours about difficult doctrines. This is indeed a great suffering for the children. Yet many parents have no feeling about this. The children sit there, but they do not understand. For example, if the topic is on the book of Revelation, how can they understand it? The home meetings must suit the children. These family meetings are not designed for you; your meeting is in the meeting hall. Do not impose your standard on your family. What you do in the family must suit the taste of your children and must be on their own level.

2. Encouraging and Attracting

Another problem with some home meetings is that there is little love in them. It is neither the father's attraction nor the mother's attraction that draws the children to these meetings; it is the whip that keeps them there. They do not want to join. But they come because there is the threat of the whip. If you take away the whip, they will not come. This will never work. You must think of some ways to attract them and encourage them. Do not punish them. Never beat your children for not attending your family worship hour. If you beat them once, you may create a problem in them for the rest of their lives. Parents must attract their children to the family worship hour. Do not force them to come. This will only result in terrible consequences.

(continued on page 2)