PARENTHOOD
a divine stewardship

Ephesians 6 also mentions that the parents are an authority, especially the father. But there it also says that the parents should not provoke their children to anger. Once again this is a question of love. Therefore, we can see that the husbands have to love their wives, and the fathers must not provoke their children to anger. The husband is the delegated authority to the wife, and the father is the delegated authority to the children. Yet each of the delegated authorities can only function in love and in the way of not provoking to anger.

We can see one thing clearly here: God appoints us to be the authority, yet He does not want us to take the way of discipline. In a family, if the parents lack love toward their children, but apply strict discipline only, surely the result will not be good. Good parents do discipline their children, but the way of discipline is absolutely in love. The children do not feel that the parents are controlling them. On the contrary, they feel that the parents love them, care for them, are concerned for them, and are mindful of them. They feel that the parents are making plans and arrangements for them. Within this loving care is the controlling and the authority. The same is true with husbands in relation to their wives.

There was a brother who heard a message that wives should submit to the husband's authority and that husbands should be the head. He felt that he had not been the head before, and that from that day on, he had to go home and be the head. He went home in a serious manner, with great pomp and a stern face, and assumed to be the head. Actually, you do not become the head by putting on a front or by assuming a stern face. Neither do you do so by presuming that you are something. To be the head in this way is absolutely wrong.

In some local churches, I have seen brothers who act as elders by putting on a front. They say, "Oh, I am an elder!" They assume an elder's bearing and speak with an elder's tone. I must tell you that there is nothing more ugly in the church than to see such a thing. Please remember that the amount of love a person has is the amount of authority he possesses. A person can only exercise authority over those he loves. Without love, there will be no basis for authority. Do not expect that you can exercise authority over those whom you do not love. There is no such thing. Why is it that often a stepmother has no position to exercise authority over her children? And why is it that even when she exercises authority, the children may not accept it? The reason is that there is no maternal love. Maternal love is the basis for a mother to exercise her authority over her children. Without love there is no ground for exercising authority. Therefore, we must see that the degree of love there is in a person is the degree of authority he can exercise. Love is the basis of authority and the power behind it….

Often children are very perceptive. Some parents punish their children very severely, but the more they punish them, the more the children are drawn to them, because they know that the parents love them. However, if someone does not have love, the children can also feel the lack. Some parents can speak very harsh words, words which others would consider extremely serious, yet the children can taste the love in those harsh words. Sometimes a guest may say some pleasant and sweet words to a child, but the child knows that the words have nothing to do with him. Even a one-year-old or a two-year-old can sense this. Hence, the elders should realize that, while there is the need of proper authority in the management of the church, and without it there cannot be a proper management of the church, yet in being the authority, the elders must turn their authority into love. It should appear to others that authority is completely gone, and that everything is love. Love is authority transformed, in much the same way that the body of the Lord Jesus was God transformed. He never caused others to feel that He was God. On the contrary, He caused others to feel that He was fully a man. In the same principle, those who are the authority should not cause others to feel that they are the authority. On the contrary, they should cause others to feel that everything is absolutely a matter of love. If the brothers and sisters cannot sense love in you, you have no position, no ground, and no standing to be an authority. To be an authority, one must have love.

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