PARENTHOOD
a divine stewardship

B. Fathers

In verse 4 Paul turns to the fathers: "And the fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but nurture them in the discipline and admonition of the Lord." Provoking to anger damages the children by stirring up their flesh. It is always destructive for parents to be angry with their children. For this reason, I counsel the parents not to lose their temper when dealing with their children. Not provoking the children's anger requires the fathers' anger to be dealt with by remaining under the cross. The only way we can keep from losing our temper is to stay on the cross. In dealing with your children's wrongdoings or misbehavior, you must firstly go to the cross and stay there. Otherwise, you will lose your temper, and this loss of temper will provoke your children's anger.

Instead of provoking the children to anger, the fathers are to nurture them in the discipline and admonition of the Lord. To nurture children means to bring them up, to raise them, by nourishing them. Raising children requires that the parents give them the needed instruction related to human life, family life, and social life. The word admonition here includes instruction.

As parents, we must do our duty with respect to our children. This means that we should not only teach them, but also set up an example for them to follow. Just as the Lord Jesus sanctified Himself for the sake of His disciples (John 17:19), so parents should sanctify themselves for the sake of their children. Those who do not have children may be free to do certain things, such as sleep late in the morning. But those with children do not have the liberty to do these things. For the sake of their children, they must be restricted. Children always imitate their parents. Therefore, it is the parents' responsibility to set up a high standard and a proper pattern and example for their children to follow.

However, no matter how good an example is set by the parents, how the children develop depends on God's mercy. On the one hand, the parents must keep a high standard, but on the other hand, they need to trust in the Lord. Day by day we should tell Him, "Lord, these children are not mine; they are Your possession placed in my custody for a period of time. Lord, what I am doing with them is simply fulfilling my responsibility. How they will turn out, Lord, depends absolutely on Your mercy."

It is possible for parents to be selfish concerning the spiritual welfare of their children. If their children get saved and become spiritual, they are very happy. However, these parents may not be happy to see the children of other families becoming more spiritual than their children. Most parents in the church hope that their children will become the future apostles, elders, and deacons. Thus, even in this matter, we are selfish.

I once read of a certain woman who prayed desperately for her child to be saved. Although she prayed daily for years, still her child was not saved. One day she inquired of the Lord why He did not answer her prayers and keep His promise. The Lord told her that He would surely keep His promise and answer her prayers. However, she was too selfish. If she would stop praying so much for her child and begin to pray for the children of others, she would see His faithfulness. From that time onward, she began to pray for other children to be saved. After a short while, her child was saved.

This story illustrates the fact that we may be selfish even in praying for the salvation of our children. Not to pray for our children is wrong, but to be fully occupied with prayer for them in a selfish way is also wrong. Hence, the matter of the salvation of our children and their spiritual welfare is also a test to us.

(Life-Study of Ephesians, Message #62, pp. 620-622, Witness Lee, published by Living Stream Ministry 1984)

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