PARENTHOOD
a divine stewardship

THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN CHILDREN AND FATHERS

The relationship between the children of the believers and their fathers is succinctly defined by the Apostle Paul in Ephesians chapter six. The children are to obey and honor their parents. Our children need to be trained to have an attitude of particular respect toward their parents. The commandment for children to honor their parents is ranked with the four commandments concerning God as given to Moses (Exodus 20:2-12). This indicates that when we honor our parents, we are remembering our source, God Himself. We who live in the United States are living in a society that in many respects has torn down the respect for all authority figures: the president of the country and all other political persons are despised by the majority of those who elect them, husbands are scorned by their wives, and parents are regularly disregarded or at best tolerated by their children. As believers, we need to train our children to honor their parents.

On the other hand lies the issue of how we parents treat our children. It is significant that the Apostle Paul does not firstly charge parents to keep their children under authority with all diligence. Rather, he urges especially the fathers, "do not provoke your children to anger but nurture them..." (Ephesians 6:4). This indicates that a major factor in the care and discipline of our children is our attitude toward them. The key meanings of nurture are firstly, to nourish and feed; secondly, to educate and train; and thirdly, to help grow and develop. Our children are very precious; their character, health, growth, and development have been committed by God into the hands of us parents. This is a sacred trust requiring our utmost attention and diligence.

In this issue of Parenthood, we consider the relationship between children and fathers (parents).

I. THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN CHILDREN AND FATHERS

A. Children

Ephesians chapter six, verse 1 says, "The children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." In exhorting the children and the parents, the apostle deals with the children first, since trouble comes mostly from them. In this verse Paul does not simply speak of children, but of the children. By using the definite article before children Paul indicates that the children of believers are not common. They are different from the children of people in the world. Therefore, the particular children, those in the families of believers, are exhorted to obey their parents in the Lord.

The phrase "in the Lord" indicates obedience to the parents by being one with the Lord. It also indicates that this should be done not by self-effort, but by the Lord, and not according to the natural concept, but according to the Lord's word. The children of believers should realize that they are to obey their parents by being one with the Lord. Moreover, they are to obey their parents not by their own strength, but by the Lord Himself. Their obedience is to be according to the Lord's word, according to the Scriptures.

In this verse Paul says that for the children to obey their parents in the Lord is right. The Greek word may also be rendered just. To obey the parents is both right and just.

In verses 2 and 3 Paul goes on to say, "Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth." This is not only the first commandment with a promise, but also the first commandment concerning man's relationship with man (Exodus 20:12). The promise, mentioned in verse 3, is that it may be well with the children and that they may live long on the earth. The first part of the promise is related to prosperity in material blessing; it also refers to living in a peaceful situation. The second part is to have longevity. According to this commandment, prosperity and longevity are God's blessings in this life to those who honor their parents. Honoring is different from obeying. Obedience refers to an action, whereas honor denotes an attitude. It is possible for the children to obey their parents without honoring them. In order to honor their parents, the children need a certain attitude, a certain spirit. All the children need to learn to obey their parents with honor.

If we would live long on the earth, we need to honor our parents. Those who fail to honor their parents commit suicide in a gradual way. They actually shorten their life on earth. If you wish to prolong your days, learn to obey your parents with honor. In the Bible this is the unique condition for having a long life. Anyone who desires a long life needs to fulfill this condition.

(Life-Study of Ephesians, Message #62, pp. 619-620, Witness Lee, published by Living Stream Ministry 1984.)

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